Nearer for Shearer After Vera

£15 million superstriker and all-round top bloke Alan Shearer chalked another one off and moved ever more towards his target of bedding 206 record-breaking slags to help raise awareness of poorly military funding yesterday. Mr. Shearer who was Stamford Bridge to cheer on his beloved Newcastle United as they thrashed Chelsea a massive two goals to nil and decided to celebrate the occasion by giving an impromptu performance with local bike Vera Eddington-Timms. After drilling her into ecstasy the six-foot Geordie legend disappeared into the night leaving those in the press room gasping for breath. Stunning!

111 remain

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