Devil-may-care Lenny Henry “Right Man for the Job” Say Top Newspaper Men

Lord Justice Leveson’s “measured, reasonable and proportionate” rant yesterday on the standards of so-called journalism in this country left all who heard it on the brink of tears. It was even acknowledged by the Prime Minister Dave Cameron who stood up in the House of Commons, said something and then sat back down. Everyone knew that the time had come to act but no one knew just how to; Charlotte Church and Anne Diamond called for the Army to be brought in to supervise editorials; indignant newspaper men argued that it was their God-given right to print outright lies.

However all was not lost. There were a few calm souls. Top newspaper men from the more sensible end of the press spectrum agreed with the spirit of Leveson’s report however felt the Church-Diamond solution was a step too far and would jeopardize free speech in the long run. Instead they quite sensibly called for more self-regulation of the press but this time to be spearheaded by the only man that could stop wreckless journalists wreaking havoc and running amok in our streets: Devil-may-care Lenny Henry (pictured below harrassing Kanye West).

 

NOTA Cosmos: The Nineth Planet Controversy

In July 2005 the discovery of the dwarf planet Eris which was initially thought to be of the same size as Pluto (in fact it is 27% larger than Pluto) is often cited as one of the key arguments for the reclassifying of Pluto’s planetary status. The official story goes that a debate was held by the International Astronomical Union (IAU) leading to a resolution in which it was stated that in order for an object to considered a fully-fledged planet in our Solar System it must satisfy three criteria: 1) The object must orbit around the Sun; 2) The object must be massive enough to be a sphere by its own gravitational force. More specifically, its own gravity should pull it into a shape of hydrostatic equilibrium; 3) It must have cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.  Like Eris, Pluto only satisfies the first and second and fails the third, thus, the argument goes, is the reason for declassifying it as the nineth planet proper in our solar system and reclassifying it as a dwarf planet.

However, the reality is somewhat different. Senior experts at NASA told NOTA reporters in an exclusive interview that the reason that Pluto cannot be the nineth planet in our solar system is that there is only one Number 9 . . . Go here

ALAN SHEARER!

NOTA Exclusive: Kevin Keegan announced as new Director-General of the BBC by Royal appointment

NOTA News can exclusively reveal the man to succeed George “got hot potato on my hands” Entwistle as the new director-general of the BBC, Kevin Keegan. After nearly a decade of being the never considered yet popular choice for the position, the people’s voice has finally been heard by none other than Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II who personally gave the nod to greenlight his installment.
Since Entwistle’s long overdue resignation yesterday, commentators have been clamouring around and banging on about the need for ‘radical overhaul’ of the organisation unsure as to the individual best suited to man the responsibility yet the answer was under their noses if they’d bothered to look. David Mellor MP was the first to call for Keegan as Entwistle’s successor, speaking on the BBC’s Sunday Politics he said we need “someone more energetic and focused.”

If Wor Kev could take a poor Newcastle United side struggling in the second tier of English football and turn them into Premiership contenders think what he will do for the BBC!