Correspondence: Anonymous Stokes Croft Twat

Readers from the South West,

If for whatever reason you fail to loathe the tie-dyed snot-rags-posing-as-humans that parade around the Stokes Croft area of Bristol vomiting cliché upon cliché, trying to dress up their attention-seeking loud-mouthery as social conscience as much as I do, today I found something which may push you in the right direction. On visiting a local internet cafe I noticed some utter twat had left this hippie tripe on the computer:

“Strange Bedfellows

Perhaps it’s the seashell logo. Snow stained black. That year environmentalists staged a die-in protest. On the floor humans dressed as the tundra’s furred giants. On the walls photographs of tigers, hippos small insects. Because all life is important. Snap.

Searching for lost prey
exhausted bears heave ashore.
Winter land dwindles.

Our museum’s caved mouth drinks visitors. Looking back from the stone wall, a furry ball of monkey perches on a branch. Moustache like an old man. The Evening Post’s photographer poses us on the steps. We protest the Veolia Environment, proffer fliers. People stop and chat or snarl, pull back shocked. Identify us by anorak markings. Boycott Israel tee-shirts. Find us dangerous as a half-starved bear.

Venomous reptiles
in a suburban garden.
Do not lift the rock.

Our leaflets show that Veolia furthers an apartheid system. Provides buses for illegal settlements. A series of maps reveal a land breaking into chunks like melting ice caps. Endangered Palestinians fast disappearing. Best kept in a zoo. Caged or behind walls. Catch the moment before it disappears.”

Wow, deep. Ha! Who is this person?! Come clean. We need to track this cunt down and name and shame them. “Find us dangerous as a half-starved bear”! No one finds you dangerous mate, just really fucking lame. Fuck off back to your squat and gas yourself.

Advertisements

Correspondence: Junkie Bin Man, Kidnapper and 80s Pop Disaster Boy George

via twitter@NOTANewsHQ

Boy George’s tweet on 4th Jan 2011:

Some straight guys get upset if you fancy them and even more upset when you don’t! Love it!

GREG’S REPLY

@BoyGeorge but most don’t care, you lazy fat reactionary cunt. take some heroin and fuck off.

BOY GEORGE’S REPLY

@NOTANewsHQ Oh, have a gold star for being so grown up & bright!

GREG’S REPLY

@BoyGeorge Thanks, but my parents taught me never to accept gifts from fat talentless wankers.

Correspondence: Chris Chalkley of Bristol Mackem Front the PRSC

From: Greg Splatter [mailto:notanews@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 31 March 2010 18:51
To: contact@prsc.org.uk
Subject: Stoke’s Croft mono-culture?

Hey,

So you girlies – you are, let’s face it – are all anti-Tesco. Why? Surely in a recession we need new business to create new jobs. You tax-dodgers rely solely on tax-payers (such as hardworking Tesco employees) for your benefit-heavy existence, save the few of you who dine exclusively at the expense of mommy and daddy. You complain about local government ignoring and therefore propagating poverty in the area yet you resist investment in favour of squats and bullshit “art” (or eye-pollution as it was called in my day). 

I went to one of your anti-Tesco-white-reggae nights (charging for drinks will stop capitalism . . . hmm, hypocrisy?). There was a fantastic sign on the door, proclaiming “asylum-seekers free of charge” yet the closest thing I saw to asylum-seekers were moronic dreadlocked hippies from South Wales vomiting cliches and . . . vomiting (perhaps due to the stink of lentils?). Surely this isn’t the best way to convince Bristol that you are just, intelligent, and respectable creative people.

Your so-called cultural utopian community of Stoke’s Croft is little more than the spastic scribbling and egotistic phlegm art of a pack of dumb dolely cunts.

I live in Stoke’s Croft and I hate your shit, and so does everyone else.

Fuck off,

Greg

NOTA News HQ

REPLY

Greg,

           Sorry you feel unhappy about the way things are changing in Stokes Croft. The No Tesco campaign started with a comprehensive survey of people’s opinions in and around the area, the results of which were solidly anti-Tesco… There is a forum for debate. The Stokes Croft Steering Group Committee meets every 8 weeks. IF you would like to go on the mailing list, please let me know.

Best Regards,

Chris Chalkley

REPLY

Dear madam,

Your email puzzled me. Why on earth would I wish to sign up to your newsletter? I shudder to think what goes on inside that over-bloated ego of yours, Chairman (your oh-so ironic fetishism for Maoism is vulgar). This may come of a surprise to you, oh self-appointed spokesperson for Stokes Croft, but there are many of us in the area who are not remotely interested in what you have to say. Moreover, we are fed up with you and your cohorts acting as if Stokes Croft belonged solely to yourselves to be used as a circle jerk for your sub-Banksy defecations and ideological whimsy.

As for this “comprehensive survey” which you blabber on about, a number of problems need to be addressed: 1) who took part? Was it a fair reflection of the various voices in the area? If not, why not? I have a sneaking suspicion it was merely a tiny vocal minority, those sympathetic to your cause, that took part, i.e. you and your hippie mates. I certainly don’t recall being asked to participate nor does anyone else I know in the area. This is troubling and highly undemocratic. 2) Even if it were a given that the majority of people in the area voted against Tesco, what does this actually mean? Does it mean that the majority think yet another ketamine-rich squat draped in vapid snot-art would be more preferable to a business creating much needed jobs in a poor area during a global recession? Or does it simply mean that given the large number of Tesco (and other supermarket chains) stores in the area already that the majority would rather another sort of business take over the property? The latter argument is not the same as the former. A person adopting the latter position understands that if they are not in a position to purchase the property themselves to do what they want with it then whomever meets the asking price will take it over, and that this is fair gain. Did Tesco get outbidded by another more ethical company only for them to flex their corporate muscle to win it at cut price? No. 3) The owners of the property have a right to sell to whomever they wish. This is called individual freedom. 4) What are the vested interests of those who voted against Tesco? Putting the pathetic wish to do more artwank aside, the only real argument is that another Tesco may add further strain to those smaller business in the area in competition with them. This is only valid to a point. At the end of the day capitalism is capitalism, whether small or large scale. A capitalist is a hypocrite if they cheer when their exploitative ideology works in their favor, when they put over rivals out of business, but whinge when it works against them. Boo boo our little capitalism is better than your big capitalism. IT IS THE SAME THING, YOU MORON. If Tess and Co. convenience store opened, which was different from Tesco in size and name only, you would all shop there. But then Tess and Co. would get bigger and expand opening more and more stores and then you would all boo and hiss. Pathetic.

I would attend your little gobby get-together on Wednesday but some of us have to work for living.

Fuck off,

Greg

NOTA News HQ

Dearest mong,

Another point which I didn’t have time to add to my previous correspondence concerns your blinkered notion of what the Stokes Croft community consists of. You are quoted in the recent article you’ve so humbly plastered proudly on your twatty website, saying: “I’m very grateful for all the support I’ve received from the community … “. Does it not occur to you that the business whose wall you vandalized is also a part of the Stokes Croft community. Strange support indeed if part of that self-same community wants to see you prosecuted. You claim to have acted with the best intentions and to be working with the community, but how is defacing a neighbour’s property an act of “love and peace” towards them? Don’t you understand that Stokes Croft doesn’t belong to you and your minions? You did, and continue to do so, act not with the community in mind but act with “arrogance” as if you “know best”.

I fully appreciate that the idea of the People’s Republic of Stokes Croft is your way of clinging to the unfulfilled dreams of your youth, but your midlife crisis is getting out of hand. For heaven’s sake, you are in your fifties, GROW UP.

Fuck off,

Greg

NOTA News HQ