From the Vaults: Eat Those Flies!

The first NOTA News!

Article reads:

TWAT RAY MEARS LATEST SHOCKING OUTBURST:
EAT THOSE FLIES!

BIZARRE bushcraft oddball Ray Mears, 46, last night shocked the nation by calling starving Africans “picky eaters”. “There’s food everywhere, literally under their noses. Eat thoses flies, you can’t afford to be fussy, mate!”
    Devil-may-care Lenny Henry says he plans to have a “quiet word”.

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From the Vaults: Diana Took It Up The Arse

This article originally appeared as a flyposter sometime between April and June 2010 on the streets of Bristol. It reads thus:

‘ROCK’ BURRELL BLABS NEW ROYAL REVELATION:

DIANA TOOK IT UP THE ARSE

SERVILE BENDER AND CANDLESTICK THIEF Paul Burrell, 53, alleged last night in YET ANOTHER cash-for-memories US television interview that the People’s Princess loved “a good old-fashioned regal shit-dicking”.

    The bastard ex-butler blissfully recalled his attentive ears eavesdropping on Charles “crashing his muddy sceptre triumphantly into Diana’s tunnel of doom”. The seraphic slut “moaned like an angel,” he tearfully reminisced, as our nation’s next king “speedily hired his spunky detectives to investigate the mucky underworld of her dung district.”

    However, when pressed as to whether or not Dodi had also drilled Lady Di’s dirt reserves, Burrell dutifully snapped, “A commoner bedding nobility? It’s not polite to discuss such a thing. I mean, imagine?!


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