Busty Lorraine Kelly celebrated her 24th birthday this week in a packed Taunton Labour Club. Standing out in the most rascist outfit of the night was vegetarian gun nut Robert Kilroy-Silk. NOTA’s own Peeping tom Gary Barlow grabbed this exclusive interview:
GB: It’s been a while since we’ve seen you Mr Silk. Whatcha been up to?
RKS: I’ve been Praising Jah and smokin da herb. I just set up my own community centre.
GB: Tell us more
RKS: Well, all you gotta do is like i did and paint a mural on your house. Once that’s on there you’ve officially made your area rough as fuckin’ fuck, then you get loads of praise for helping the youth of the area see that they don’t have to become gang bangers. My mural is of Bob Marley shaking hands with Gerry Adams.
GB: And what work do you do with these youths?
RKS: Well, as the murals only a month old, my area of Poole is still quite safe, so i’ve had to teach them how to deal drugs and shoot people. It’s only then that i can get praise for helping them out of the slums. It’s fuckin’ easy man! Just buy some decks and listen to Dizzee Bizzle, that’s all they do in the other centres.
GB: This is quite a u-turn for you.
RKS: Well, I believe that I need to be recognised with my people as no different from anyone else and that eventually we can fuck soo many white women that eventually we are all proper jungle bunnies. We need to show women that the important stereotype about us blacks is true.
GB: This is getting very rascist
RKS: What do you mean? I’m Martin Luther King and I’m dead dreamy me like. Praise Jah and Haile Salami. I have a dream where i can meet with President George Foreman and we can spit roast Esther Rantzen and shout “My dad never abused me!” right into her banana shaped face.
GB: I fear you may have lost your mind
RKS: Fuck off i’m Martin Luther King and i’m gan yem!