206 jokes

Joke #153

Q: What are Alan Shearer’s favourite chocolates?

A: After Eight


206 jokes

Joke #54

Q: What number bus rescues vulnerable Geordies from persecution in Sunderland and takes them via Fulwell,  Bolden, Hedworth, York Ave, Jarrow, Tyne Tunnel, Percy Main and Royal Quays finally to safety in North Shields and also transports Mackem criminals back from North Shields to Sunderland?

A: The number 9

Wor Kev ‘n’ Peter discuss- Phone Tapping

Nota has always seen ourselves as a fair publication. We don’t tap phones of anyone, especially those in obvious distress. This is down to a moral obligation to our readers and that we can’t afford any of the required equipment. Seriously if we could we probably would, but in the meantime we’ll have to make do with the excellent opinions of Newcastle elders wor Kev ‘n’ Peter.

Kev- So hoo dee they get a tap into a phone Pete? Is it still hooked up te the mains?
Peter- Ah think it got a radio transmitter in it Kev.
Kev- So its beaming water in frem space?
Peter- Summat leik tha . Its amazin hoo far technology has come alang recently. Taps just used te be fre baths, then dancers foond a way of dancin on them, noo they can beam water ower yer phone line.
Kev-So when me phone breaks next time i’ll caal a plumber oot .
Peter- Dodgy bastards.
Kev- What if they put a phone tap in me bath tap? That’ll mean me taps tapped an aal the tappers will hear is the soond of me tap running ower a tap as its beaming space water oot its aan tap an mixing into me tap water.
Peter- Exactly. Ah reckon having a tap in yer phone waad be handy if yee want te brush yer teeth on the move. Yee can get a decent rinse oot of yer samsung galaxy.
Kev- Ah dropped mein doon the nettie Peter.
Peter- Divvent worry it should be fine, they hev te be waterproof if they can be fitted wi taps.
Kev- Thats true but it went roond the u-bend so Ahm back te shouting really loudly, it’s deein the missus heed in.
Peter- Well ah divvent knaa aboot tha Kev